9/30 Sara

Last night I got to hang out with him again, but its never like I want it. I hang out with him at his work, enjoying every minute. Yet at 2:00 am when he gets off it changes. I become someone else to him. Only business. Why do I like him so much? I think about him all the time, but does he think about me like that? So we go to other peoples houses smoke, drink. I have sex with other guys, but never with him, we have sex, but its always fast and then hes gone. And I understand that, because he does have a wife and a baby girl. What is wrong with me? A married man? He does like me, but will that be enough? Theres just too many questions and I don't know the answers to any of them, so why ask? Its all the same, different guys, but it all feels the same. No love, nobdy who really wants me for me. They only like me for my body. Me firm, perky breasts and my nice ass. After they have had their way with me, I return to him. Business is business. He drops me off a block away from my house. He hugs me thightly, tells me thank you and he'll see me tomarrow. I go home and try to get some sleep, but I can only think about him. I try not to think about the wrong I have dont, because it makes me feel terrible about myself. MEntally I feel dirty, but I am clean. I still go take long showers. Washing and washing. Only to find that I still feel dirty and I still can't get to sleep. So I lay in bed waiting for tomorrow, when after school I can see him.

-Sara